Hockey season doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to. There will be ups and downs, successes and failures. But remember that any bump in the road or initial disappointment can be used as a teachable moment. Sometimes the worst thing you think could happen actually might turn out to be in the best interest of your son or daughter.

As a coach for more than 12 years from youth to high school and college, I’ve seen some specific scenarios play out time and time again with hockey families. Here are the top five best worst things that could happen to your child this hockey season:

He Didn’t Make the ‘A’ Team!

Instead of being the disaster we feared, it has been nothing short of amazing. He has flourished on his new team, taken on a leadership role and made many new friends. He has been challenged to find new ways to contribute and raised the level of play for his teammates. His young ego has been put on the shelf and there is a renewed interest in being respected for his work ethic and leadership, not just talent alone. He has set the goal of making the ‘A’ team next year, but still loving every minute of this season while making some big gains in skill development.

She Was Disciplined!

My daughter was benched for the entire third period of an important district game last week. When we got home, I asked her about it, expecting to hear a number of excuses and how mad she was at her coach. Instead of complaining and placing blame, she told me that she needed to work harder and be a better teammate. She admitted that she had made a comment to a less talented player and also slashed an opposing player behind the play.

I was even more impressed when she mentioned, “And I let my team down because I was on the bench.”  You know what? She’s right.  She probably doesn’t even realize it, but her coach is really having a positive on her attitude and understanding how her behaviors affect others.

My Son Was Sidelined!

Four weeks off from hockey? When the doctor said those words, I saw the immediate anxiety in my son’s eyes. Four weeks is an eternity to an athlete, especially during the season. He instantly feared losing his spot and never catching up to his teammates that would be practicing and playing games without him for an entire month.

The first week was the most difficult – lots of people asking what happened and having to relive the same story over and over again. Week two brought some normalcy and he started to settle in to some new roles with his teammates. We noticed that he was very active at practices in talking to his teammates and even the coaches. Kudos to them for encouraging him to find alternate ways to contribute!

Weeks three and four he stayed engaged at practices and games. He carried a positive attitude and soon he was back on the ice with his teammates. Now, not only is he healthy; he was refreshed and rejuvenated. He had an entirely new approach and appreciation to the game and a tremendous maturity about not taking it for granted.

My Daughter’s Team Lost to the Worst Team in the League!

When the horn sounded, my daughter’s team had outshot their opponent 55-6. There was just one problem: they lost.

We sat in the stands and watched the girls slamming their sticks in frustration and fighting back tears. We watched the other team celebrate in front of them as though they had just won the Stanley Cup. As the kids filed out of the locker room, many of us wondered what would transpire next.

The rest of the week included a couple of practices and then a matchup with a ranked team in our district. Our girls came out on fire and played with an intensity that we hadn’t seen before. They played as though every shift was their last and they battled to the whistle on every play. That loss had created in them a sense of urgency; a desire to be at their best at all times, regardless of whom they were playing. Most importantly, it showed them the need to respect each and every team they step onto the ice with.

He Was Forced Into a Position Change!

My son has always played center. He idolizes college and pro players that play his position. He even focused on honing his skills specifically for the center position this offseason. When his coach moved him back to defense a few weeks ago, we were not sure what to expect, and it wasn’t smooth at first.

Gradually, we’ve come to the realization that it might be the best thing that could have happened. He’s been thrust out of his comfort zone, which has forced him into new situations and responsibilities on the ice. He’s seeing and thinking the game differently while developing new skills and on-ice awareness.

Now he’s watching college and pro defensemen more closely and trying to pick up new tricks to apply in practices and games. Throughout the process of learning a new position, he learned how valuable and necessary it was to be a student of the game and to understand what other players are doing and what different responsibilities might be on the ice. We also heard less of the “blame game” and more of explanations of how plays could break down. His vision on the ice improved, and most importantly, there was now a “big picture” element to his game.

Along with the position change came a newfound understanding that the team needed someone to play defenseman, and the players and coaches respected him for stepping up. And in the long run, no matter which position he’s asked to play, he’ll be better equipped to excel in more situations.

Let Them Learn

The moral of the story is simply this: things do not always go as planned, in hockey or in life. The harm comes in not being able to adapt. The best part of each of these scenarios is that the child is the one that ultimately took ownership of the situation and turned it into a positive developmental experience.

And if they don’t take ownership at first, remember it’s our job as parents and coaches to help along their learning curve. The game of hockey can teach them some pretty amazing life lessons.

Jessica has more than 12 years of coaching experience at the high school and college levels. She also serves as an instructor at youth and national development camps in the offseason. Jessica is a USA Hockey Level 5  certified coach and the Minnesota Hockey Associate Coach-in-Chief for Female Coach Development.