It should go without saying that children are not all the same. Whether in the classroom, at home or when cultivating relationships, some “figure it out” quickly, some need more time and some seem to have it down, but then regress. Most adults understand and accept these disparities on the surface. However, trusting the process and not worrying about comparisons can be more difficult, especially when it comes to sports.

“Our culture says ‘hurry up’, and we all want the best for our kids,” said Ken Martel, Technical Director for USA Hockey’s American Development Model (ADM). “But you have to remember, everyone’s path is unique. There will be steps forward and back and left and right turns that happen. Athlete development, like human development, is complex and messy. Parents and coaches can help their kids navigate the ups and downs and stay motivated.”

What Parents Need to Know

A common conclusion cited often by experts is that personal growth and development are not linear. What this means, essentially, is that there is no normal. It’s not a straight line – it’s ‘squiggly’ – which means there will be good days and bad days along the way.

“Players don’t always get to a point and then continue to build,” said Martel. “Sometimes there are regressions, for a variety of reasons. We need to remember players, and their development path, don’t have to look the same to achieve success.”

The American Development Model (ADM) imparts that as kids grow and mature, from learning to skate to 10U and 12U, to high school and beyond, they pass through the same stages of development. Kids are growing mentally, physically, and emotionally at the all at the same time but at different rates.

Often these development stages are impacted by outside influences beyond the child’s control. Physical growth spurts (that may, in the short-term, result in really good players looking clumsy or uncoordinated), puberty, family life at home, school, time away from the rink or playing other sports, relationships as well as psychological maturation, can all contribute to twists and turns in athletic development and progression.

“We’ve all seen the kid who all of a sudden in three months has grown four inches or three shoe sizes. Those are the extremes, but it happens,” said Martel. “You’ll see kids who skate well as 9- or 10-year-olds then all of a sudden at 12 or 13, after growing physically, their skating is awful. But that doesn’t mean it’s a permanent change.”

Excellence Takes Time

The first of the ADM’s guiding principles is “Excellence Takes Time.” In other words, the young athlete trying to figure things out now, is not the same athlete you will see down the road. We shouldn’t be anointing the “next one” at age 12, nor should we be throwing in the towel on struggling 10-year-olds.

“In our society we form opinions quickly and develop a bias,” said Martel. “One of the hardest things in scouting is to see the player that is before you today, not the one you saw three months ago. It may have looked like a player was on a path and now they’re not. We need to not get so bent out of shape over short-term fluctuations. As long as the general trajectory is there, things will be okay.”

Adults can lead the way by practicing patience.

“We need to focus on finding happiness where we’re at. Some of the greatest stories you hear are about athletes who got cut and got extra motivated to come back and make the team the next year. That’s good for development. I like to say it all shakes out in the wash later.”

How Parents Can Support the “Squiggly Line” of Development

• Practice patience – “When we watch our kids play, we live and die with every moment. I was the same watching my kids. When they made mistakes I would feel bad for them and want to help. But the learning is in the doing. Understand they will have highs and lows and don’t try to step in and fix every problem for them. Know that over time kids will understand processes more and be able to learn and apply more as they grow and develop.”
• Don’t worry about the As and Bs – “The focus shouldn’t be on whether your child made the A or B team, but rather that they’re on the team that’s the appropriate level for them to have success. Challenge and struggle are important, but if all your child does is fail, that won’t help motivation or make them want to come back.”
• Contribute to a positive culture – “Kids will thrive if the culture is right – if they receive the right amount of instruction and have good supportive parents and coaches who are constructive. If you look at elite athletes, most will tell you that they didn’t get much from their very first coaches that helped them be tactically great in their sport, but they did get someone who inspired a love for the game and made them want to come back. It’s hard to be a great 20-year-old player if you quit when you’re 8 or 9.”