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Division I Coach vs. Youth Hockey Dad

By Jessi Pierce, Touchpoint Media, 12/14/16, 9:00AM CST

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SCSU coach Bob Motzko shares his experiences a coach and a dad at the same time.

For 30 years, St. Cloud State University head coach Bob Motzko has worked with parents. He’s answered their questions, addressed concerns, trained their kids – and helped develop many of them into elite players.

Now Motzko is seeing what life is like on the other side of the glass. To two sons, Mack, 15, and Beau, 13, he’s “Dad,” not “Coach” – most of the time.

“It’s been a huge education for me having two boys now come through youth hockey,” Motzko said. “I have a new outlook. I’ve been coaching for 30 years and I used to have this thought that it was the players who have changed. But now I’m convinced that the players haven’t changed at all. Parents have changed – greatly.”

What he has learned is there is a fine line to walk when it comes to being a supportive parent versus a parent who has the urge to coach. Motzko offers these five keys to juggle being a little bit of both.

Parent First, Coach Second

Motzko said his wife’s sharp elbow to his rib quickly reminds him that when it comes to his own kids. It’s “Dad” first, “Coach” second.

“I have the coach in me and the dad in me – and I usually have to tell the coach to shut up and have the parent give a hug,” said Motzko. “I consciously try to be a supporter and not the coach. I’ll give advice where I can and where I think it might be helpful, but I mostly just try to watch.

“It’s hard because the coach wants to come out in you, but it’s better for your player and your child to not.”

Did Julie miss the open net? Did Johnny make a bad pass in the zone that caused a turnover?

It’s OK. And as a parent, remind your kid that it’s OK to make mistakes because mistakes are a key part of learning. What really matters is how kids respond to their mistakes.

The Big Picture

Positive Coaching Alliance challenges us to consider the Little Picture vs. Big Picture when it comes to youth sports, which leads to the Second-Goal Parent.

What is a Second-Goal Parent?

There are two broad goals in youth sports: striving to win and building character so kids develop into successful, contributing members of society. As important as winning may seem, Second-Goal Parents let coaches and athletes worry about the first goal of scoreboard results. Second-Goal Parents have a much more important role to play: ensuring their children take away from sports lessons that will help them be successful in life. That is the Big Picture.

If you embrace your role as a Second-Goal Parent, it will transform the way you see youth sports. It will help you seize the endless procession of teachable moments that will come your way again and again when you are looking for them.

Don’t Be a Stat Hound

Nowadays there is a plethora of websites ready and willing to tell you where your Squirt, Peewee or Bantam “rank” and a race for players/families to “commit” to colleges. Don’t let that dictate how you think your son or daughter “should” be training and where they “should” be at in their development as a player.

“Get off the idea that, ‘my son’s going to be the next Wayne Gretzky,’” Motzko said. “Don’t chart minutes and time played, and power play time. Let them enjoy their experience and it all works out.”

Remove the Pressure

Every parent wants his or her child to succeed – on and off the ice – but sometimes parents get thinking too far ahead into the future.

“Timmy is 13 years old, which college hockey programs should we be looking at?”

“Megan’s coach said she was the top skater in her first 8U season. What’s the next step toward the Olympics?”

Be aware of how much pressure is being put on your kid.

“That pressure we as parents can put on young kids is tough for them,” Motzko said. “It’s amazing what they can do if you just let them have fun and figure it out on their own.”

Some of the best coaching and parenting tactics are simply letting kids be kids. Let them skate on the backyard pond. Let them learn the game in their own way, without a parent or coach leading with instruction. You’d be surprised at what they learn about the game – and themselves.

Remember What It’s All About

Fun! Make sure they’re having fun. It’s easy to get caught up in coaching and stats and winning, but it’s more important to be a part of creating a fun experience for him or her.

“The biggest thing parents have to do is to let go and make sure their son or daughter is enjoying the experience of being able to participate in sports,” Motzko said. “Sometimes parents take it far too seriously, far more seriously than most players do. Throw a little fun in there – it goes a long way.”

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