To some parents, responsibility is about being dependable, where people know they can count on you. For others, it’s about being accountable for your behavior and accepting credit for good behavior as well as consequences for mistakes.

"It's also about an attitude, the idea of taking action and being proud of doing it, not just always having your mom and dad do it for you," says Alex Barzvi, Ph.D., co-host of the talk show "About Our Kids" on Sirius Doctor Radio.

If there’s one thing all parents can agree on, it’s that developing responsibility in their kids is important. Yet, research has found that in many instances parents occasionally undermine their own efforts to build responsible behaviors without realizing it. In Jean Illsley Clark’s book, How Much is Enough?, she highlighted three common examples of how  parents over-indulge their children:

• Giving them too many material things or too many activities without the expectation that they will fulfill obligations. 
• Doing things for children that they are able to do for themselves. 
• Not expecting enough or demanding enough of children. 

To counteract those common pitfalls and help develop responsible hockey players, we put together this list of six tips for teaching responsibility to kids.

Start Them Young

It may seem like kids aren’t capable of learning responsibility until they’re older, but research has shown they’re capable of retaining the basic principles as early as toddler age. Fast forward another couple of years to when they are old enough to try hockey and kids are at a prime age to form a relationship in their minds between sports and responsibility.

If you’re looking for a way to start, consider having your five or six year old carry their stick to the locker room. They may not be able to carry their own bag at that age but being responsible for their stick sets an important foundation for the future.

Ease Them Into It

Can you imagine if you suddenly went from doing everything for your child to expecting them to act as their own adult over night? Chaos and confrontation are two words that come to mind when thinking of that situation.

A great way to ease your kids into basic responsibilities is to start by having them help you. Encourage them to tie one skate while you tie the other one.  Even if you end up having to help them tighten the skate they tied, you are developing a mindset and expectation that they will eventually be responsible for tying their own skates.

Be a Responsible Role Model

All parents are their kids’ number one role models, and kids often look up to coaches as well.  Therefore, it’s important to remember they are almost always watching you, and every action or comment will leave an impression.

One of the most frequent instances of this in youth hockey is how you react to poor calls by an official. Do you scream at him or her? Do you throw your hands up in frustration? Kids notice even the slightest negative body language in your response and will likely copy how you handle those situations of adversity. Set a good example and you may be surprised how much easier it is to get the players to follow suit.

Manage Your Expectations

Just like there are age-appropriate recommendations for player development, you should also adjust your expectations based on the age of your player(s).  For instance, it is unrealistic to expect a group of Mini-Mite/6U players to sit still much less pay attention for a 15-minute chalk talk session. By the time they reach the Bantam/14U level, they should be able to focus throughout the presentation and show a willingness to engage the coach with questions.

Develop a Routine

Kids are creatures of habit so developing routines can play a very effective role in creating responsible habits. Requiring kids to complete their homework before going to practice or having them follow a set routine to get ready for school in the morning are good examples of how you can introduce responsibility through routines.

Coaches can also take advantage of this exercise by developing a pre-game routine. Set the expectation early in the season that the players will go through the same warm-up before every game, and then, they can be made responsible for getting themselves physically and mentally ready to play.

Behaviors Have Consequences

This is perhaps the most difficult and most important tip for developing responsible hockey players. A key part of helping kids gain a sense of responsibility is teaching them that their behaviors have consequences. The tough part for many parents and coaches is following through on the consequences.

"Parents are afraid to let kids suffer, be sad or angry, but if we always solve children's problems, they will not learn to be responsible as they grow up," says Dr. Barzvi.

So the next time your son or daughter forgets their equipment, think twice before running home and “saving the day”. As much as you want to help, the lesson of being responsible for packing their hockey bag may sink in faster while watching practice from the stands.