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Becoming a Second-Goal Parent

By Minnesota Hockey, 11/07/14, 9:15AM CST

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No one has more influence on kids’ youth sport experiences than their parents. While coaches can help instill a passion for the game, teach basic skills and point out life lessons, they are only with kids a small amount of time.

It is up to parents to ensure their kids have a fun, positive experience. To do that, the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA), a non-profit organization that has helped create a fun, character-building for over 4 million young athletes, recommends adopting the approach they call a “Second-Goal Parent”.

Second-Goal Parents let coaches and athletes worry about competition, skill development and winning. This allows them to put all of their energy into a much more important role: focusing on teachable moments and the life lessons that their children can take away from sports.

Being a Second-Goal Parent isn’t easy though. It takes practice and a concerted effort. 

This season Minnesota Hockey and PCA’s Minnesota chapter have formed a partnership to assist local associations and their parents in achieving that goal. Up to 20 Minnesota Hockey associations will have the ability to apply for a grant of $500 to go toward a PCA parent workshop, in which parents will receive hands-on training and a guidebook on how to raise winners in life through sports.

The workshops use real life situations to examine parents’ current beliefs and behavior and show them areas they can improve at future events. Here’s an example of one of the guidebook’s case studies:

Case Study: Your child makes a glaring mistake in the middle of the game that leads to an opponent’s score. Right afterwards, your child looks over and your eyes meet. As a Second-Goal Parent, what should you do?

This is a fantastic opportunity to demonstrate your unconditional support of your child while simultaneously reinforcing the M in the ELM Tree of Mastery – learning to handle mistakes without getting thrown off kilter.

Perhaps the biggest fear athletes have is making a mistake in a crucial situation that hurts their team and makes them look stupid.   Standing by your child in this embarrassing situation is the most effective way of demonstrating that your love and support for her is unconditional. It may be easy to say you love your child unconditionally – this is a chance to show it.

Here’s what you can do:

  • Show that the mistake is no big deal in the grand scheme of things by flashing a thumbs up sign, smiling, or saying, “That’s okay, Erica. Don’t let it stop you. You’ll get the next one.”
  • Use a Mistake Ritual if you or the coach has introduced one, like the flush or no sweat.
  • Avoid sending a negative message about the mistake. Don’t turn away from your child. Don’t grimace, roll your eyes, yell advice (“Never make a cross ice pass like that!”), or show that you are upset.

Minnesota Hockey associations that are interested in applying for a grant toward a partnership with PCA should fill out this application form for the Minnesota Hockey HEP committee to review. Approved forms will begin the partnership to better the association’s youth hockey culture by helping develop more Second-Goal Parents.

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