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A Major League Letter

By Glen Andresen, Minnesota Hockey Executive Director, 09/23/14, 9:00AM CDT

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With the possible exception of State Tournament time, the best time of year is upon us. Kids are starting to sign up with their local associations to prepare for another great winter of playing hockey with their friends and for their community.

Of course, with the season come challenges, whether it is getting the kids to where they need to be, balancing school work and other activities or making sure the kid is enjoying the experience.

It’s that last task that can sometimes be the toughest, but how can we make sure that all of the boys and girls that lace up the skates have a great season?

There may not be a perfect answer, but there are several guides. I believe the best guide for parents and coaches was provided by St. Louis Cardinals manager, Mike Matheny. Before he was leading the Cardinals to a World Series berth, Matheny coached youth baseball.

Prior to the youth baseball season, Matheny addressed parents with a letter, which can be read in its entirety here. While at times it could be considered harsh, it delivers a spot-on message as to how players, coaches and parents should conduct themselves in a season. And while Matheny is different from most in that he played baseball at the highest level, it’s important to remember that everyone coaching a youth sport team is looked at as a leader and is expected to set the tone for player, coach and parent behavior.

I won’t get into every detail of the letter, although again, I highly encourage you to read it in its entirety. I do want to highlight certain points that are among the most important:

I think the concept that I am asking all of you to grab is that this experience is ALL about the boys. If there is anything about it that includes you, we need to make a change of plans. My main goals are as follows:

(1) to teach these young men how to play the game of baseball the right way,
(2) to be a positive impact on them as young men, and
(3) do all of this with class.

We may not win every game, but we will be the classiest coaches, players, and parents in every game we play. The boys are going to play with a respect for their teammates, opposition, and the umpires no matter what.

Right off the bat, Matheny sets the tone and lets parents know his job isn’t to satisfy their desires for their kid to be great. It’s to try and make each player great. That doesn’t necessarily mean being great on the field, but in respect to showing sportsmanship and the way to behave.

I believe that the biggest role of the parent is to be a silent source of encouragement. I think if you ask most boys what they would want their parents to do during the game; they would say "NOTHING". Once again, this is ALL about the boys. I believe that a little league parent feels that they must participate with loud cheering and "Come on, let's go, you can do it", which just adds more pressure to the kids.

There’s a fine line here, especially when it comes to hockey because there is nothing more thrilling than playing in a rink where it’s loud and the fans are boisterously cheering. But be cognizant of what you’re yelling. Screaming at a girl to “MOVE YOUR FEET” or yelling at a defenseman to “SHOOT THE PUCK!” isn’t constructive and could be countering what the coach is asking the player to do. Certainly parents and fans should cheer a great play, and it’s even better if they do it for both teams on the ice.

Let the record stand right now that we will not have good umpiring. This is a fact, and the sooner we all understand that, the better off we will be.

This is probably my favorite line in the entire letter. Think about when you’re watching a Wild game and you’re complaining about the calls, or lack thereof. Now think about how those NHL refs are the absolute best at what they do. They are bound to make mistakes, so don’t you think it’s possible that the referees in youth hockey, many of whom are kids themselves, are also likely to make mistakes? It’s going to happen, but it will not be because they don’t like your kid, your kid’s team or kids in general. Whether people like to admit it or not, we need officials to play the game. Screaming at them only serves to discourage them from providing an essential service to our kids and our sport.

Matheny goes on to say that the players will also be instructed not to comment to the umpires and says…

This is my job, and I will do it well. I once got paid to handle [umpires], and I will let them know when they need to hear something. I am really doing all of you parents a favor that you probably don't realize at this point. I have taken out any work at all for you except to get them there on time, and enjoy. The thing that these boys need to hear is that you enjoyed watching them and you hope that they had fun. I know that it is going to be very hard not to coach from the stands and yell encouraging things to your son, but I am confident that this works in a negative way for their development and their enjoyment. Trust me on this. I am not saying that you cannot clap for your kids when they do well. I am saying that if you hand your child over to me to coach them, then let me do that job.

What a great way to put it! As parents, there is plenty in this world to stress about, whether it’s work, or balancing a family schedule or the overall wellbeing of everyone in the family. When you’re at the rink, use this time to decompress, knowing that your son or daughter is being supervised while having fun with friends. Consider this your time off to enjoy a game, rather than stressing about what is happening on the ice.

I need all of you to know that we are most likely going to lose many games this year.

Mike Matheny played at the highest level of baseball, and was one of the best defensive catchers in the game. Yet, he knows that losing games at the youth level isn’t a huge concern. What matters is that the kids get better, which is why he says each child will get to play any position that they desire. Matheny knows that if a kid isn’t having fun or playing much, he’s not going to stay in the game. Nobody wins in that situation.

Matheny’s letter is a must-read for coaches, parents and players. We love our kids and we want them to have success in everything they do. But at times, it takes a little shake to realize that when the kids are at the rink, it’s the coach’s job to help them toward that success. It may come across as very direct, but there’s no question that it is written with the kids in mind.

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