There’s a lot of responsibility that rests on a goaltender’s shoulders. So whenever they have a bad game, it can be especially disappointing for him/her.

“The kids can be their own worst critics,” former Gopher goaltender and current goalie coach Justin Johnson said. “But feeling like they let their teammates down and sometimes their parents down can be a big part of it, too.”

The same can be said about every position in hockey. One of the great lessons that sports can teach young players is that failure is a part of life. In fact, failure is a key part of the development process, both physically and mentally.

But what happens after that child fails is just as important.

No Excuses

Parents should not be making excuses for bad goals allowed, turnovers, missed scoring opportunities, etc. Neither should the players.

“Don’t say, ‘Oh, it’s the coach’s fault or the defenseman’s fault or the ref should have called a penalty,’” said Johnson, who graduated with a psychology degree from the University of Minnesota and currently serves as Associate Goalie Coach-in-Chief for Minnesota Hockey. “Help them see a pathway out with optimism.”

Encourage them to take some of the responsibility for those errors and to keep practicing to prevent them in the future. That will help drive the player’s intrinsic motivation which will lead to improvement.

No Car Coaching

Parents want what’s best for their child, but sometimes their good intentions can be counterproductive. Reliving the mistakes they or their teammates made during the game is typically the last thing kids want to hear after a disappointing performance. It’s like rubbing salt in the wound.

Instead of rushing to be the problem-solver or help fill the coaching role, try being supportive by pointing out some of the positives from the game or just simply listen to what your child has to say.  You may be surprised what you hear.

Set Realistic Expectations

The overarching message that Johnson tries to communicate with the young goaltenders he works with is the importance of setting realistic expectations. From a psychological standpoint, the most unrealistic the expectations lead to the most intense disappointments.

“If a goalie goes into a game expecting a shutout, wanting a shutout, thinking a shutout – the moment they get scored on, they get disappointed,” said Johnson. “Set realistic expectations for yourself to help control emotions.”

Winning vs. Development

It’s rarely enjoyable to watch your kids fail, but at least that means they’re participating and learning, which should ultimately result in an overall positive experience. They will make mistakes. They will lose games, and quite frankly, that’s okay. Winning shouldn’t take precedent over development, especially at the youth levels.

If your child sees minimal ice and zero playing time in key situations, but the team wins, should that really be considered a success?  Wouldn’t the team as a whole have more fun and be better off long term if they had equal playing time and lost a close game?

After all, who signs up for hockey to sit on the bench?

Let Them Play

Overcoming adversity, learning from mistakes, failing – these lessons and experiences don’t just apply to hockey players. They are important to all kids as they grow up. Experiencing and learning from failure is a critical exercise in a child’s development, just like it’s beneficial for adults in the workplace.

“That’s what the whole participation in sports should be about,” Johnson said. “It’s a proving ground. It’s an area for kids to learn these life lessons in a safe environment.”

Let them play. Let them have fun. Let them fail. Let them learn. Let them succeed. Let them be kids. That’s what USA Hockey’s American Development Model is all about.